Tuesday, 23 July 2013

A new prince!!!!

I am not ashamed to say it.....I'm an ardent Royalist...not a card carrying, teapot collecting Royalist but a Royalist none the less!!

I have been following the coverage of the royal birth and the celebrations that have heralded the news of the arrival of the third in line to the British throne.   It makes me so proud to be British and I have to admit to having tears in my eyes (my boys think I'm nuts!!) when the Prince of Wales turned up at the hospital to meet his new grandson.

Unfortunately for the BBC such is their mandate they have to give unbiased coverage of the birth, which includes allowing the naysayers and republican contingent to spout their rhetoric.   I have only one thing to say to them ....GET A LIFE!!!   Yes, there is a lot of coverage of the birth of the new prince, so what?!!  Hugh Edwards was interviewing some silly cow called the "fleet street fox" (oh purlease!) on the BBC News channel giving her to the opportunity to deliver a diatribe referring to the other 2000 odd babies born yesterday and the trials and tribulations facing them, banging on about the lack of coverage on the war in Syria.   She stated that she was appalled that a specially minted silver penny will be issued to all babies born in the UK on the same day.   Why?  If my child was born on the same day as the prince I would be soooo proud and to have a silver penny to prove it would be the icing on the cake!   This is GOOD NEWS not something we get every day...yet the news has still been interspersed with murders, earthquakes and political machinations, so more than enough bad news to keep the "fox" happy (miserable cow!!)

As for the Republicans don't get me started!   Why do we need a democratically elected head of state?   Our Royal Family are world renowned, they are a draw for tourists and their continued presence in Britain gives us that certain something on a global scale that no other country in the world has.....why would we want to get rid of that?   They have had their ups and downs, as any family does, but theirs have been in the public eye.   It makes me laugh that these jumped up idiots postulate about the unfairness of the monarchy, methinks there is a little of the green eyed monster in them!!!

Me?  I'm proudly flying the Union flag outside my house in my little part of Normandy!!!

Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!!

Monday, 15 July 2013

1 week down - 7 to go!!

Week two in the Big Brother House..nope sorry!....week two in my house.   Four children to entertain, and another seven weeks in which to entertain them.   We have been to the beach twice, we have been blessed with beautiful weather and are lucky that the beach is only 20 minutes away.  We also went to the lock gates at Carentan at high tide, I still find it fascinating watching the boats going in and out of the lock.   Simple things please simple minds!!!!...and my mind is becoming more and more simple as the days roll past!!

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Kevin & Perry live in my house!!

I wonder if when Harry Enfield invented Kevin and Perry he knew just what he had unleashed?!

My eldest son has taken the stereotype of both these characters amalgamated them into one and improved on it!

He regularly "hates" me and thinks that I am "so unfair".

I really dislike being a mother to teenage boys, there is no respite to the unremitting crap they dole out on a regular basis!!!  And BONUS! I get all three of them 24/7 for the next two months...YEAH!!

In my house it is a war of attrition, I can't show any sign of weakness or they strike like lions stalking their prey, one false move and that's it!.....the irony is in nature it's the lionesses that do the hunting, the lions just sit back and wait for the meal to be ready...Ermm? How does that work?!!!

The scriptwriters of soap operas would be hard pushed to convince the public that the crap that occurs in my life is "true to life".   My life is imitating art!!

How's this for an example;

No.1 son needed to re-enroll in Lycee this week, he was given all the paperwork (think half a forest!) the night before he was due to leave and told not to forget it under any circumstances.   He had had the previous five weeks off school because he had been on work experience (oxymoron - work is alien to him!).   He needed to get up on Monday at 5am to be at the bus stop for 6am.   He needs to cycle to said bus stop (5 kms) - not something you would choose to do at 5.45am but it's his education and future, not mine.   He is seventeen in 15 days time, he needs to stand on his own two feet.   5.05am a knock on my bedroom door, "Mum?" he says "You are going to school" I say "But I don't feel well" he says "I'll go tomorrow" he adds.  Do I really have to do this every Monday morning?   He's nearly 17 for goodness sake!!   I have three other children , two fourteen year olds and a five year old, but he still expects me to run around after him.  Guess what?   He forgot the form, left it on the coffee table in the living room.   Now, I know I could have taken it down to him, but it is an hour and a half round trip to his school and I have loads to do in this last week before they all break up.   So I rang his school and asked them to send him back on the Wednesday afternoon (he has Wednesday afternoons off) to collect the form and then he could go back on the Thursday.  He could have spent the afternoon with his friends in the cinema but instead he is here.   Will he learn his lesson?... Ohh! Sorry I just had to duck to mind the pig that has just flown past my head! Tee! Hee!!

Watch these and you'll see what I mean!!



Sunday, 30 June 2013

Summer Holidays are looming..................

The end of this week heralds the end of the school year here in France.   It is, therefore, the start of two months of purgatory for all parents who have to juggle work and family commitments.   My children range in age from nearly seventeen (emotional age of eight depending on whether he is getting his own way!!) via twins of nearly fourteen (I may as well have triplets!!) to a five year old who thinks she is fifteen!   I can't win and believe me everyday is a battle royal to keep them all on track.

Peace will reign supreme in my house if;

  1. Oscar, my eldest is allowed to stay in his room all day, with full Internet access and a regular supply of tea!  
  2. I am on hand 24/7 to play with my five year old daughter.
  3. I have a bottomless purse with which to pay for countless trips to the cinema, museums, bowling etc... not to mention a limitless fuel tank for driving around Manche.

Unfortunately, for my children, we do not live in such utopia, I work from home and am not fortunate enough to be able to take two months off, I am neither wealthy enough to be able to fund limitless trips (if I was you would find me well ensconced at a very nice Thalasso therapy hotel not too far from here!!) nor inclined to let my eldest vegetate in his pit.   My little girl needs to know that she has a working mum and that I can't be on hand all the time to play.

That said, I will need to compromise on my work/family time to enable my kids to have some fun during the holidays.    When I was their age a bike and a picnic were all I needed, I spent all day out with friends (no mobile phones or computer games in those days!) we played in the woods and fields and if it rained watched old black & white movies on the TV and there were just four channels in those days (and yes I do remember when there were only three!). 

Luckily for us we are close to the beach, so weather permitting, we will be rock pooling and swimming in the sea.   I am sure I will find the Internet a source of invaluable information on how to keep them all entertained.   Failing that I will lock myself in my room with enough rations to last two months and wait out the siege!!!   In reality I will have to implement various methods to keep my sanity intact and their boredom in check.   Watch this space to read what draconian measures (in their eyes!) I have taken to ensure peace in our time!

Friday, 21 June 2013

Who is your Favourite Child?

My reply would have to be "None of your business".   I don't have a favourite child out of my four, whoever is behaving the best and giving me less grief is my favourite and believe me that changes on a minute by minute basis!   I am sure they meet daily, unbeknown to me, to decide on ways to push the boundaries and take me to the edge of hysteria each day.   But that said, I LOVE them all equally, I may not LIKE them all equally, but that is a completely different kettle of fish!!

Unfortunately Buzz Bishop from Vancouver Canada, when blogging about his children expressed his preference for his eldest son over his youngest, this has caused a great deal of consternation and loads of comments, mostly condemning him for his declaration.


Whilst I understand his point of view, some things are best left unsaid/unwritten.   Have a favourite child if you wish, but it is your responsibility as a parent to ensure all your children are treated equally.   Mine are always saying "so and so is your favourite" I just agree with them, nipping it in the bud, there is no point arguing with them, in their heads they are always right.   The next day the "so called" favourite will have overstepped the mark and after being told off will claim that his/her sibling is my favourite.   Damned if you do/Damned if you don't!

When they have all grown up and fled the nest I am applying for a peacekeeping job at the United Nations, I think by then I will have the well-honed skills of a diplomat trying to get warring factions to agree to a compromise!!!

My children are on loan to me, it is my job to bring them up to be compassionate, considerate and well-balanced adults, sometimes this entails having to enforce draconian measures (have you ever tried to confiscate a teenagers' Ipod?!!) but I am their Mum not their friend.   They have loads of friends now and will have in the future.   When they are adults out in the big wide scary world, I hope they will look back and acknowledge, if only to themselves, that I have done the best I could and then, maybe, I will be lucky enough to be counted as one of their friends, but until then I will have to come up with more hiding places for the confiscated electronic equipment!!!!!

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Girl Crushes

Great word!!!.......Girl Crush..... feelings of admiration and adoration which a girl has for another girl, without wanting to shag said girl. a nonsexual attraction, usually based on veneration at some level. (Urban Dictionary April 2007)

I wonder whether ones list of "girl crushes" reflects in some way upon the "crusher" (bear with!!!)   My list is soooo eclectic I think a psychologist would have a field day!!   Who are your girl crushes?  Mine are;

Christine Lagarde - Head of the IMF- multi-lingual, beautiful and elegant.

Karen Brady - a business woman in every sense of the word, gutsy, clever and chic in an understated "take me seriously because it's me not the clothes" kind of way.   In every episode of The Apprentice she outshines the female contestants, why they don't use her as a role model (both fashion and behaviour wise) I'll never know!

Nancy Meyers - writer and director and all round fabulous woman.

Miranda Hart -sooo funny and intelligent and happy in her own skin, and she loves Strictly!!! enough said! - I want to be her!!!

Meryl Streep - beautiful, intelligent, talented and a sense of humour.

Sandra Bullock - she has achieved so much, she is a powerful, proud, tenacious and funny lady.

Amanda de Cadenet - what can I say?   I wanted to scratch her eyes out in the late 80's/early 90's -John Taylor was mine goddamit (in my head anyway!!) then to add insult to injury she started dating Keanu Reeves!! (my venom knew no bounds when I heard this!!)   Now, with maturity and reduced personal expectations, I can look at what she has done for herself and the journey she has made and can only marvel at what a strong women she is.   Her women-only chat show, The Conversation, is inspirational and a must see for any woman trying to gain control of her life.


So there is my list, any Psychoanalysts out there make of it what you will!!!


Thursday, 13 June 2013

D-Day Commemorations 2013

It has been a pretty emotional week here in the heart of Normandy.   Another anniversary commemorating the sacrifices made by so many allied soldiers on the beaches and in the fields of Normandy.   As usual the local towns and villages paid homage to the soldiers killed and injured to free France, and ultimately the whole of Europe, from Nazi terror.

I took the kids out of school and on 6th June and we went and paid our respects to the fallen at the military cemetery in Bayeux, a truly moving occasion and a sobering one, for each year the number of veterans who come over gets fewer.    I sincerely hope that their sacrifices will never be forgotten, I for one won't forget, but one does wonder whether their endeavours will be commemorated once they have all left this mortal coil.

Our local mayor wrote an article in our village magazine at the beginning of this year, it was about a young RAAF airman, whose plane was shot down and crashed in a neighbouring village.   He was rescued by a local family and then brought to our village where a platoon of the 507th P.I.R. had dropped.   Traditionally RAF personnel were expected to get back to Blighty by any means possible, but this brave young man stayed with the 507th and fought to defend our village against an SS Division stationed in a neighbouring village.   He died on 11th June 1944 aged 21.   This was news to us, his name does not appear on the memorial plaque in the church, it is thanks to Mr Small, our mayor that his heroic story has come to light.

We have since investigated his story, and located his grave and that of his comrades who perished with the plane.   We had every intention of going to Bayeux this year, but the need to recognise this young man's sacrifice and heroism became our overriding aim.   Whilst at the cemetery we were lucky enough to meet some representatives of the Australian Armed forces and we told them the story of this remarkable young man.  They have vowed to keep in touch with us with a view to commemorating this young airman.   Next year will be the 70th Anniversary and our mayor has told me that there will be an inauguration of a new memorial plaque in our village, this will mention not only the Australian airman, but many more names of soldiers of the 507th P.I.R and citizens who perished.

This link will take you to the history of our village and will add some gravitas to the heroism portrayed by the allied servicemen who lost their lives defending it.


Thursday, 6 June 2013

English Debate 2013

I spent this afternoon in the company of some extraordinary students.   All of them were in troisi√®me (year 9's) and were expected to conduct a “for and against” debate completely in English.   Their level of English was exceptional and their commitment to the competition exemplary.   I had the honour of being a juror during the preliminaries in May and was asked to judge the qualifiers at the College Louis Pasteur and the final which took place at the Conseil General de la Manche in St Lo, an imposing building and worthy of the gravitas of the final.   It is the third year I have had the privilege to judge these debates and I was struck, not only by the students' level of English, but by the enthusiasm of their teachers.   My fellow jurors were, to a person, impressed with the formidable efforts the students made and I, for one, know that I would not have been able to debate in French the motions that these students were tasked with.   It is one thing arguing your point with conviction in your maternal tongue, quite another to argue a case for or against a subject in a foreign language.   Students were told the subject 10 minutes prior to the debate and then drew their position either for or against the motion.   After 10 minutes preparation with their teachers they had 10 minutes to convince us of their arguments.   At the end four jurors deliberated and scored their efforts.   As the "native English" speaker on the jury it was my role to deliver the results, an incredibly humbling experience.   My congratulations go out to the team from Agon-Coutainville and their teachers, but also to the runners up from Louis Pasteur and all the teams that participated.   Bravo √† tous!!

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

The Apprentice

Last night I was watching The Apprentice, if ever there is a TV programme that has me shouting at the television this is it!!   What is Lord Sugar thinking?   If this is the business talent Britain has to offer we're doooomed! Doooomed I tell you!!

Last night the candidates were tasked to fly to Dubai and procure a list of items for a high end hotel.   Items included a UAE flag, a kandura and an Oud.   They all have access to android phones yet managed to spend half their time running round trying to find out what some of the items were.   Have they not heard of a google search?  

The losing team were "project managed" in the loosest possibly way by Zeeshaan Shah, his credentials?   He had lived and worked in Dubai and that therefore gave him an edge (in a blunt knife sort of way. Ha!Ha!)
He placed an order for a flag, over the telephone (points for initiative) it needed to be 6ft by 4ft.   His fellow team member, Kurt Wilson, was asked how many centimetres were in a foot to which he replied 12!!! (What?!  12 inches to a foot 30cms approx - look at a ruler)  At this point I was throwing cushions at the TV!!   There were three of them in the car did no-one think to use a conversion app on the phone, does basic numeracy not exist anymore?   Suffice to say the finished article was hilariously too small and they had to wait for a new one to be made (points deducted for sheer incompetence).

At one stage Leah Totton, was running round a Souk saying loudly in a broad Irish accent "Oouud? Doo Yoou sell Oouud? Hilarious!!   I could barely understand her, so I find it doubtful those poor souk stall owners could!

Luisa "I have the energy of a Duracell bunny, sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit, and a brain like Einstein" Zissman, was doing that English man (woman) abroad thing, speaking English LOUDLY, in a SIMPLE and patronising way with a simpering voice.   "Oud? Do you sell Oud?"   Three hours later and a chance encounter informed their team that Oud was not a local perfume but a musical instrument!   I found that out in two minutes using my phone!!!   In business you use whatever tools are at your disposal, phones, local knowledge, phone directories, it's not rocket science!!

Like I said ....heaven help us if that is all that Britain has to offer!!

Rant Over!!!

Monday, 27 May 2013

Driving in France

It's official I have just self-diagnosed myself as having Tourettes Syndrome, only brought about by driving in France!!!   OMG!!   I use words when driving that I have been known to tackle my teenage sons to the ground and wash their mouths out with soap for!!!   I don't know if its the ridiculous give way to roads joining the main road from the right, or if it is the tailgating or the inability of oncoming traffic to stick to their designated side of the road, but I turn into an absolute fishwife when behind the wheel.   I was once told that the french don't drive their cars, they aim them and they don't park their cars, they abandon them!!  So true.   The rules of the road here are made to be broken, unless it is in their interests to uphold them.   In which case you are still in the wrong even if you are driving on your side of the road with cars parked on the otherside and it is definitely your right of way and you are totally committed with no place to give way but then find yourself confronted by an idiot who has cut a corner to bear down on you with a full-on Gallic stare and arms waving.   Was I bowed but this show of testosterone (from his wife?!) Nope I just carried on driving, smiled sweetly and let go a string of expletives that would make a dockworker blush!!!   Such fun!!!   There I've said it....I feel cleansed now!!!!!

Tuesday, 1 January 2013


May all your dreams, hopes and wishes come true in 2013, just remember to have faith and a great imagination and they will!!