Wednesday, 29 May 2013

The Apprentice

Last night I was watching The Apprentice, if ever there is a TV programme that has me shouting at the television this is it!!   What is Lord Sugar thinking?   If this is the business talent Britain has to offer we're doooomed! Doooomed I tell you!!

Last night the candidates were tasked to fly to Dubai and procure a list of items for a high end hotel.   Items included a UAE flag, a kandura and an Oud.   They all have access to android phones yet managed to spend half their time running round trying to find out what some of the items were.   Have they not heard of a google search?  

The losing team were "project managed" in the loosest possibly way by Zeeshaan Shah, his credentials?   He had lived and worked in Dubai and that therefore gave him an edge (in a blunt knife sort of way. Ha!Ha!)
He placed an order for a flag, over the telephone (points for initiative) it needed to be 6ft by 4ft.   His fellow team member, Kurt Wilson, was asked how many centimetres were in a foot to which he replied 12!!! (What?!  12 inches to a foot 30cms approx - look at a ruler)  At this point I was throwing cushions at the TV!!   There were three of them in the car did no-one think to use a conversion app on the phone, does basic numeracy not exist anymore?   Suffice to say the finished article was hilariously too small and they had to wait for a new one to be made (points deducted for sheer incompetence).

At one stage Leah Totton, was running round a Souk saying loudly in a broad Irish accent "Oouud? Doo Yoou sell Oouud? Hilarious!!   I could barely understand her, so I find it doubtful those poor souk stall owners could!

Luisa "I have the energy of a Duracell bunny, sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit, and a brain like Einstein" Zissman, was doing that English man (woman) abroad thing, speaking English LOUDLY, in a SIMPLE and patronising way with a simpering voice.   "Oud? Do you sell Oud?"   Three hours later and a chance encounter informed their team that Oud was not a local perfume but a musical instrument!   I found that out in two minutes using my phone!!!   In business you use whatever tools are at your disposal, phones, local knowledge, phone directories, it's not rocket science!!

Like I said ....heaven help us if that is all that Britain has to offer!!

Rant Over!!!

Monday, 27 May 2013

Driving in France

It's official I have just self-diagnosed myself as having Tourettes Syndrome, only brought about by driving in France!!!   OMG!!   I use words when driving that I have been known to tackle my teenage sons to the ground and wash their mouths out with soap for!!!   I don't know if its the ridiculous give way to roads joining the main road from the right, or if it is the tailgating or the inability of oncoming traffic to stick to their designated side of the road, but I turn into an absolute fishwife when behind the wheel.   I was once told that the french don't drive their cars, they aim them and they don't park their cars, they abandon them!!  So true.   The rules of the road here are made to be broken, unless it is in their interests to uphold them.   In which case you are still in the wrong even if you are driving on your side of the road with cars parked on the otherside and it is definitely your right of way and you are totally committed with no place to give way but then find yourself confronted by an idiot who has cut a corner to bear down on you with a full-on Gallic stare and arms waving.   Was I bowed but this show of testosterone (from his wife?!) Nope I just carried on driving, smiled sweetly and let go a string of expletives that would make a dockworker blush!!!   Such fun!!!   There I've said it....I feel cleansed now!!!!!