Kevin & Perry live in my house!!

I wonder if when Harry Enfield invented Kevin and Perry he knew just what he had unleashed?!

My eldest son has taken the stereotype of both these characters amalgamated them into one and improved on it!

He regularly "hates" me and thinks that I am "so unfair".

I really dislike being a mother to teenage boys, there is no respite to the unremitting crap they dole out on a regular basis!!!  And BONUS! I get all three of them 24/7 for the next two months...YEAH!!

In my house it is a war of attrition, I can't show any sign of weakness or they strike like lions stalking their prey, one false move and that's it!.....the irony is in nature it's the lionesses that do the hunting, the lions just sit back and wait for the meal to be ready...Ermm? How does that work?!!!

The scriptwriters of soap operas would be hard pushed to convince the public that the crap that occurs in my life is "true to life".   My life is imitating art!!

How's this for an example;

No.1 son needed to re-enroll in Lycee this week, he was given all the paperwork (think half a forest!) the night before he was due to leave and told not to forget it under any circumstances.   He had had the previous five weeks off school because he had been on work experience (oxymoron - work is alien to him!).   He needed to get up on Monday at 5am to be at the bus stop for 6am.   He needs to cycle to said bus stop (5 kms) - not something you would choose to do at 5.45am but it's his education and future, not mine.   He is seventeen in 15 days time, he needs to stand on his own two feet.   5.05am a knock on my bedroom door, "Mum?" he says "You are going to school" I say "But I don't feel well" he says "I'll go tomorrow" he adds.  Do I really have to do this every Monday morning?   He's nearly 17 for goodness sake!!   I have three other children , two fourteen year olds and a five year old, but he still expects me to run around after him.  Guess what?   He forgot the form, left it on the coffee table in the living room.   Now, I know I could have taken it down to him, but it is an hour and a half round trip to his school and I have loads to do in this last week before they all break up.   So I rang his school and asked them to send him back on the Wednesday afternoon (he has Wednesday afternoons off) to collect the form and then he could go back on the Thursday.  He could have spent the afternoon with his friends in the cinema but instead he is here.   Will he learn his lesson?... Ohh! Sorry I just had to duck to mind the pig that has just flown past my head! Tee! Hee!!

Watch these and you'll see what I mean!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfHM568oBWg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qUP3yHEpRw

Summer Holidays are looming..................

The end of this week heralds the end of the school year here in France.   It is, therefore, the start of two months of purgatory for all parents who have to juggle work and family commitments.   My children range in age from nearly seventeen (emotional age of eight depending on whether he is getting his own way!!) via twins of nearly fourteen (I may as well have triplets!!) to a five year old who thinks she is fifteen!   I can't win and believe me everyday is a battle royal to keep them all on track.

Peace will reign supreme in my house if;

1. Oscar, my eldest is allowed to stay in his room all day, with full Internet access and a regular supply of tea!  
2. I am on hand 24/7 to play with my five year old daughter.
3. I have a bottomless purse with which to pay for countless trips to the cinema, museums, bowling etc... not to mention a limitless fuel tank for driving around Manche.

Unfortunately, for my children, we do not live in such utopia, I work from home and am not fortunate enough to be able to take two months off, I am neither wealthy enough to be able to fund limitless trips (if I was you would find me well ensconced at a very nice Thalasso therapy hotel not too far from here!!) nor inclined to let my eldest vegetate in his pit.   My little girl needs to know that she has a working mum and that I can't be on hand all the time to play.

That said, I will need to compromise on my work/family time to enable my kids to have some fun during the holidays.    When I was their age a bike and a picnic were all I needed, I spent all day out with friends (no mobile phones or computer games in those days!) we played in the woods and fields and if it rained watched old black & white movies on the TV and there were just four channels in those days (and yes I do remember when there were only three!). 

Luckily for us we are close to the beach, so weather permitting, we will be rock pooling and swimming in the sea.   I am sure I will find the Internet a source of invaluable information on how to keep them all entertained.   Failing that I will lock myself in my room with enough rations to last two months and wait out the siege!!!   In reality I will have to implement various methods to keep my sanity intact and their boredom in check.   Watch this space to read what draconian measures (in their eyes!) I have taken to ensure peace in our time!